What’s Cybernetics got to do with Coaching?
How Flexible and adaptable are you in your approach to complex issues?
Maybe you’re a Coach just like me, looking to get better results all the time with your clients?
Maybe you have a series of strategies for dealing with your most challenging and complex cases?
Or maybe its a bit hiss and miss, depending on the issues ?
I’d be really interested to hear any news, views and top tips on this subject?
In my experience, the more complex the issues experienced by the client, the less likely any plan or strategy that I have is going to work.
That said, I have a box of tools and techniques but never assume what is needed.
In my own case, it always comes back down to basics and by telling myself “everything you know is wrong” . I don’t say this to knock my own confidence, I say it to keep my judgment and bias in check because otherwise they will show up before I become aware of them.
When I start any coaching intervention, the first thing I do is to disconnect myself from my own opinions, beliefs and importantly my own values. I honestly have no clue about how I will be able to help, The one belief I keep hold of is that I will be able to help ,I just don’t know how (yet), until the client presents it to me at some point during the session!
The Second belief is yes the client will present the way forward as we progress the session, and to date, they always have come up with the gold.
I think it’s is essential for me to become “a blank canvas” to help the client paint the right picture from their own perspective, in their own words or their own way.
Its always an incredibly exciting and energising moment for me when the coaching process is just about to kick off.
My initial approach means that I undertake a period of listening. Im only listening to understand, listening out for key words that help the client to explain and understand their challenge, the problem to be solved or their ambition. Im listening out for underlying values and beliefs and blockages in the clients understanding or perspective as to why and how they are stuck
I was a big fan of all the classic coaching questions in the beginning., the models and methodologies and the jargon. Whilst I still think these are great for people when they are learning how to coach, there’s something about the human element of deep connection that can get lost in all the theories. I’d never heard the term “Cybernetics” in the early days before beginning my training as a coach and before I become a Master Practitioner and Trainer of NLP. I always thought Cybernetics was something to do with Dr Who.
Im wondering if you were introduced to Cybernetics when learning coaching skills?
If not, what is it?
“the science of control and communications in the animal and machine.” (Weiner,Cybernetics,1948)
Cybernetics is the most powerful language for describing systems ( Technical,Biological or social) which have goals.
Cybernetics comes from a Greek word “kybernetikos” meaning “good at steering”.
An effective coach will have an understanding of cybernetics and realise that the coaching job is to establish the goal or outcome and to act as part in the “feedback loop” to enable the client to gain rich feedback in terms of whether they are moving towards or away from their goal and to consider appropriate options and actions which will “steer” their behaviour to stay on track.
Coaching is first and foremost a relationship based on a shared outcome, goal or expectation and apart from the questions, the models and methods its about the relationship between people.
It’s a physical, behavioural, belief thing and when it works its like the most magical thing for both the client and the coach. A Coach must assist a client to generate a number of new “states”
Have you heard about Ashby’s Law of Requisite Variety?
“In any system, the part with the greatest flexibility will have most control over the outcome”. (W.Ross Ashby, 1956, Introduction to Cybernetics) Ashby’s Law Of Requisite Variety.
Taken from Cybernetics and System Thinking, this law states that for a “system” to be stable, the number of states that its control mechanism is capable of attaining (Its variety) must be greater than or equal to the number of states in the system being controlled.
This is a central thought in systems thinking as well as cybernetics, and for coaches a great reminder that it starts with you becoming flexible to the clients perspective and understanding of their reality. When people are doing all they can to get to a new destination and they’re still stuck, sometimes they need someone to help them steer in a different direction and to generate new and helpful states.
Below is a coaching tale that may clarify things and what I’m trying to explain here.
(All names and individual characteristics have been changed to preserve confidentiality)
Bobby was around 13 years old and had been “displaying” extremely challenging and aggressive behaviour. Mum was at her wits end and had tried everything from counselling to children’s mental health services, with no joy to date, and with the added barrier of being excluded from some activities at school, and Bobby the family were more than stuck with things as they currently were.
I agreed to see Bobby and Mum was to come along too (for safeguarding purposes) I made it patently clear that Mums role was strictly non-verbal and that she was to make herself as “invisible” as she could.
At the allotted time on the day of the first session, Bobby and Mum arrived and as I opened the door, I was met with a sorry-looking face from Mum and the most fantastically ferocious expression from Bobby as they barged past me and went straight into the coaching room and sat (thankfully in the right spot) on a chair in the middle of the room.
“And if looks could kill, I’d need a licence for my face” (Justin Currie, Del Amitri, When I Want You- Polygram Music)
At the instant Bobby sat, they pulled the back of their coat over their head and sat silently facing me. I gestured to Mum with a finger over my lip and we sat in silence for around 5 minutes ( whilst I wondered what Bobby was thinking and feeling) This was all I could do to get myself “in sync” and in tune with Bobby as there were no words or gestures to model, mirror or match.
After I time I asked, “Is that A Harry Potter Cloak”? No Response.
“I would love to have one of those, It would be ace wouldn’t it? I’d learn to talk without any words”, I said.
We sat for another few minutes and I just observed and sat myself in a similar “shape” to Bobby in order to realise that the “problem” was not challenging behaviour or aggression, it was all about expression and their ability ( or inability ) of expressing some thought or feeling that was obviously underlying and driving the behaviour.
“I bet it’s hot under that cloak is it?” was my next offering.
After a few more silent minutes Bobby shook their head from side to side.
Does that mean No?- Me
They shook their head vertically
Does that mean Yes?-Me
Bobby shook their head vertically again ( Result, I thought)
I continued to ask closed questions by stating Bobbys Name, address, age, etc which would give Bobby the option of “nodding” yes, with me “rambling on ” about food, music,TV or anything “non-intrusive” This continued for around 20 minutes as I wanted to get as many yes answers as realistically possible and gradually Bobby began to make sounds and verbalise before suddenly throwing “the cloak” down and giggling “You’re Mad!”. Obviously.
I remained flexible and focused on the problem of “expression” and helped the client develop a new way to express themselves i.e non verbally. This was like giving the client their own key to unlock their behaviour
We continued the session and I actually think Bobby Enjoyed it. By the end, we had sensitively broached the root cause ( Grief) I had taught Bobby to visualise and “experience” some positive states and emotions and to take “feedback” from self when noticing “negative” feelings. Over four or five sessions Bobby rediscovered their ability to process their own thoughts and feelings and to “change state” when feeling challenged. Overcoming the grief may be a longer and different process of understanding and acceptance but the ability to express things and consider that there is always another choice, will certainly help Bobby into the future
Coaches need to think about Cybernetics and their role in generating a feedback loop and a positive steer towards an outcome which is owned by the client.
Think about any individual who is stuck with an unwanted behaviour? People can be really determined in their “stuck states”. It’s what they know, it’s what they are used to and within their comfort zone. Even with thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are really uncomfortable to put up with, people will choose familiarity over enforced change. As soon as they get a glimpse of an alternative choice, they will visualise it and test it out in their imagination. If it works in the imagination then bingo, a new potential behaviour is generated.
First rule for me as a coach is to “meet people where they live” and never tell people what I think they should do.
Cybernetics, system thinking and especially Ashby’s Law of Requisite Variety have been part of the foundation for which my coaching practice and success has been based on for over 16 years since I was taught this during my initial NLP Practitioner training in 2006.
If you’d like to discover some new adventures through Coaching or NLP Training look me up on the Map :-)
I am a qualified Coach and Solution Focused Hypnotherapist (NCH, Afsfh) and also provide accredited NLP Training (INLPTA) for you and your team. Look forward to seeing you join me at the tiller. You will be in charge of the destination and the driving though!